A circular fortification on the coast

“Shouldn’t you be out sniffing in the woods?”

— Merlin



 

The Maze

Ana slouches at her computer, watching the debrief video of an undercover mission she and Elres carried out some months ago. A slice of Jackie’s lemon cake lies untouched on the desk. In the video, people in costumes seemingly assembled from thrift stores are clutching expensive-looking swords. A watermelon sits upon a pedestal. A short, stocky man with a two-handed broadsword steps up and swings confidently. The watermelon explodes with a satisfying ‘PLAPF’ and cheers ring out. The watermelon is replaced and a gentleman with a katana steps up. He strikes so swiftly that some onlookers are still waiting for him to begin. The melon appears whole; an oozing equator and the echoes of the man’s Kiai the only indication that something has happened. He bows and exits the stage to respectful applause. A fresh melon is settled into the holder and Elres takes the stage.

Ana leans closer to the screen.

Elres smiles demurely, looking around the assembled throng with doe eyes. Elres takes aim at the melon, and chops it neatly in two. There is a smattering of polite applause. The two halves of melon fall to the floor and promptly burst into flames. The audience erupts, whooping and hollering. Elres waves regally to the crowd and exits the stage.

“Show off,” mutters Ana. She rewinds and watches Elres again. And then a third time. Ana sighs, picks up the cake and slumps back in her chair. She’s just about to take a bite of the delicious, lemony goodness when suddenly she glares at the cake like it’s poison and flings it back down on the desk. She snatches up her sword and stalks out of the room.

Merlin is in the training room, tweaking the sensitivity on his newest laser-based weapon… to the detriment of the training dummies. His contraption resembles a section of deer antler, such as one might find in a pet shop, with a rotating dial on the end. The dial is inscribed with sigils that are probably better not enquired about. He aims the cervine laser pointer at a training dummy and rubs his thumb back and forth. There is a whumping sound and the unfortunate strawman is peppered with charred, smoking holes the size of golf balls. Merlin frowns, scratches his beard, and begins fiddling with the dial just as Ana shoulders her way through the door.

“ANA! WHAT HO,” cries Merlin.

Ana glares back.

“What brings you down here? Shouldn’t you be out sniffing in the woods?”

“Elres has better form that me. Figured I should practice,” Ana grunts.

“You mean you want to knock seven shades of Sunday out of a straw man to make yourself feel better? HA HA. EXCELLENT IDEA.”

Ana says nothing and begins hacking at the straw man.

“Want to know a secret?” says Merlin, in what he probably thinks is a whisper but sounds more like someone trying to help a deaf person understand them by TALKING MORE LOUDLY.

“Not really.”

Merlin continues on regardless. “I’ve been working on something for Robin’s birthday party. They’re special candles. They LOOK like normal candles but when you blow them out, they summon up a cohort of Satyrs to pipe the tune of ‘Happy Birthday.’ HA HA. It will be wonderful. PANDLES, I call them. HA. HAHAHAAAA!”

“Where’d you get the Satyrs?” Ana asks, suspicious.

“I found an incantation in some old book or other. Nobody was using it. I’m rather proud of how I worked the incantation into the wax.”

“Very clever,” Ana replies. “Robin’s favourite colour is blue.”

With that she stalks back over and resumes battering the training dummies.

“Well…” BAM “That’s one party…” WALLOP “I definitely won’t be…” CLOBBER “attending….” THUMP “Ah, that’s better. Where’s that cake?”

The morning of his birthday, Robin galumphs around Covenant HQ singing a version of Happy Birthday by Altered Images, so fractured and broken it is frankly unrecognisable. He eventually finds his way to the chorus, “If dey were me, if dey were me…”
 
He stops, his brow furrowed. “Steve always pretend be Robin on birthday,” he mutters loudly. “Pretend be Robin, do big bad, get Robin in trouble… Perhaps me tell someone, give warning? Me always give warning ’bout Steve. Who listen? Nobody! Always sigh and give Robin dat look. Me look for Steve in now time, but Robin never find. If me no find Steve, maybe Steve no find Robin?” Robin’s brow wrinkles even further with the effort of thinking this through, then relaxes. “Ok, no worry. Everyfing be hunky dory dis year.”
 
He resumes his carefree peregrination.

On the day of Robin’s birthday party, Elres (not invited — Merlin decided that invitations are way too complicated when it comes to the Fae, even those who are technically human), Phil Nhiles (not invited as on disciplinary for his behaviour with valued partner organisations), and Ana (invited, declined), were supposed to be the only Hunters in the Maze. Apart from them, there were some of the RaAD personnel (aka Maze Monkeys) and Jakes, Commander of Field Recovery, Containment and Sterilisation (sometimes shorted to recovery and Deposition, but most often simply “the Cleaners”). Elres was doing some boring E-learning on manual handling, with first aid at work lined up for afters. Phil was in the lab, helping Egbert with some projects, and Ana was in the gym, working out some of her frustration. Oddly enough, Robin was also in the gym — Ana assumed that he didn’t fancy his own birthday party. Either that or he thought the point of a surprise birthday party was for everyone to bring a surprise, and the biggest surprise of all was for him not to turn up.

They spotted the first pookle behind the dumbbell rack. As soon as it realised it had been spotted, it swallowed a 24kg kettlebell, which was almost 10cm taller than the pookle, then scarpered.

Ana sniffed around after it, and discovered it smelled mostly of magic. Robin declared it was probably Robin’s fault, “Robin being so stupid.”

In the lab, Phil was startled by the appearance of several adorable balls of grey fluff that proceeded to start eating… Everything. Scans suggested some kind of inter-dimensional anomaly, and he had to talk Egbert down from his latest rather-more-than-micro dose to get any sense of what this might mean. In short, these things were intrusions into this reality from somewhere else, the way a scientist’s hands would penetrate a glove box containing something they didn’t want to touch directly. Whatever these things looked like, it was unlikely to be a basketball-sized ball of fluff that made cute noises like a happy guinea pig.

Back in the training room, Elres had found a pookle behind one of the vents, and had tried to tempt it out with a rather dry cheese sandwich she had left over from lunch. Initially tempted, the pookle seemed way more interested in eating the computers and chairs.

The team finally got together in the labs, where Ana discovered the pookles were quite content and friendly unless anyone tried to get between them and their food. Robin said he was going to go down to the Archives and see what he could find out about them. He promptly disappeared without waiting for anyone to go with him. After a while, Ana and Elres decided to follow, leaving Phil to try to get hold of someone who could tell them what to do.

Down in Archives, Robin persuaded Rogers the Archivist to open the Archives, which he had sealed shut to keep the pookles out. Robin assured Rogers that he could put up a magic barrier that the pookles wouldn’t be able to get through. Although Robin is not normally well known for his magic skills, Rogers did not know this, and was therefore merely impressed rather than surprised when Robin stripped off his furs and conjured a barrier as promised.

By the time Elres and Ana turned up, Robin was trying to get Rogers to show him where the files were for the missions to which Robin had been assigned. Ana and Elres couldn’t understand why this was necessary or even useful, but they let him get on with it while Elres called the emergency number on the internal comms. This put her through to Jakes mobile, and Elres left a message because Jakes wasn’t picking up — she was already on her way up to see what Phil had to say.

Eventually, the team reconvened on the top floor, where Jakes had assembled a crew of Cleaners, probably pulling some of them in from being off-duty. She swore everyone to secrecy, explaining that they didn’t have clearance to access the parts of the Maze where they were about to go, but she had emergency authorisation to do it anyway, then handed everyone powerful electromagnets, split them up into pairs, then the assembled crew drove the pookles in to the central shaft where the emergency stairs and the cabling/pipework came up from the power generator and desalination units in the lowest level. They continued to drive them down to the bottom level, passing through the high security levels such as Heavy Containment.

The Covenant, it turned out, had a portal on the lowest level, presumably built by Merlin. Jakes activated it, then they drove the teeming throng of reluctant pookles inside.

Only then did “Robin” reveal his secret — he had been Robin’s sorcerous evil twin Steve all along! In the confusion caused by this revelation, aided by distraction from Steve’s pet Pleistocene Cave Hyena Fenella, he escaped, taking some of the Covenant’s files with him.

C’s office, Camelot

Jakes stands straight and stiff in C’s office at Camelot, the main HQ, arms clasped behind her back, gaze resolutely fixed on a point some distance above C’s head. C flips through paper reports, cross-referencing them with whatever she has displayed on her computer screen. The damage is devastating.

“Correct me if I am wrong, Commander, but I understand you permitted one C4 Hunter, a C5 Hunter here on placement from a partner organisation, an Intern on disciplinary watch, and our resident Neanderthal’s evil twin access to OHQ SG5 and SG6?”

“It does sound pretty bad when you put it like that,” Darling murmurs from her seat in the corner, where she is taking notes.

“Yes, ma’am. It was either that or lose everything not nailed down. And anything less than five metres across that was nailed down.”

“I understand that, Commander, but do you comprehend the potentially severe consequences posed by at least two of those present seeing we have access to that technology?”

“I assumed they had been vetted, ma’am. My priority at that moment was to clear the infestation before we lost anything more vital.”

“Can you reassure me that exposure to Asset 1277α is the only extreme security risk you permitted during the course of the incident?”

Jakes clears her throat. “With all due respect, ma’am, I did not permit the security breach. I contacted a senior officer and cleared the proposal.”

“You spoke to Merlin, Jakes! He was three-quarters of the way down his second bottle of rum, and it wasn’t even very good rum! You should have come direct to me.”

“Again, with all due respect, ma’am, you were incommunicado.”

C pinches her nose between her eyes, forehead furrowing. “Yes. I was.” She returns her attention to her computer screen. “Pookles. I hate the bloody things. I refuse to believe they evolved to look like that without intervention. Nothing that dials cute all the way up to eleven, despite coming from another Realm, can possibly have evolved that way without some sort of interference. Have we ascertained whether anything important is missing other than the Archived documents?”

“We have, ma’am,” Darling says, scanning her tablet. “We lost the subjects being held in Heavy Containment. Arctos Halkias, the Coppersmith. Jennifer Drayton, who Section 7 pulled in from the Proton Beach mission — she’s the one Gawain tried to convince you had found a Pandora Jar and sold it. We also lost Joshua Weber, AKA Doctor Keen.”

At that last name, Jake’s right cheek twitches.

“Don’t worry,” C says grimly. “I cannot imagine the inside of a pookle is better than what you had planned for Weber.”

“I beg to differ,” Jakes replies, the hint of a snarl putting an edge to her voice. “We don’t know what happens to things inside a pookle. I know what would have happened to him here.”

C nods. “It can’t be helped now. Did we lose any artefacts?”

“Artefacts remained sealed, and Merlin’s workshop was protected by Dante,” Darling says.

“I never thought I would be thankful for Dante, but I should know by now never to say never. Can you bring Rogers in, please?”

Darling leaves her tablet on her chair and goes out to her own office. “Can you come in now, please?” she asks, her voice slightly muffled by distance and the deadening quality of the magical wards around C’s office.

Rogers enters, his expression nervous. “Ma’am.”

“Have you discovered exactly what this Steve took with him?”

“All documents relating to the Abersky mission, ma’am, including those retrieved by the cleaner crew. He dropped the map with the ley line calculations on it when he escaped. The intern brought it back. Everything else is gone.”

“Just Abersky?”

“He asked about Wormsley, but he only took Abersky.”

“Did he get the photograph?”

“Whi… Which photograph ma’am?” Rogers’s skin appears ashen.

“You know which photograph!” C snaps.

“Uh… Yes. Yes, ma’am. He got the photograph.” Rogers is so nervous he stutters, but he carries on regardless. “All the archived documents were together ma’am, as per protocol. And he was a Hunter. I’ve seen him around. He put a magical barrier up to keep the furry round things out of the Archives, ma’am.”

“Which wouldn’t have been needed if you’d kept the damn door shut! All of that was so he could get in there and steal some files. We don’t even know what he wants with them.”

“He asked for missions involving Robin and the Fae. I had no reason to refuse. He was… I mean, the person I thought he was participated in those missions, so I didn’t see the harm.”

“No. Robin never thought to tell us that the infamous Steve was his evil identical twin.” C sighs. “Very well. You may go.”

“The barrier was really impressive.”

“I said, you may go.” C’s eyes glint like moonlight on a blade, and her voice is as sharp as a flint shard.

Darling offers Rogers a sympathetic smile as he scuttles out. Jakes has not moved a millimetre.

“Other than Heavy Containment and Asset 1277α, was there exposure to any other high security asset during the incident, Commander?” C asks. “And don’t try to avoid the question this time.”

“No ma’am,” Jakes says. “All other C1 classified assets remain secure.”

“Well. That’s something. We should at least be able to get the Heads of Bran off the premises without having to run a full decontamination cycle.” C taps some papers together and feeds them into a slot on her desk. A hint of burned paper drifts through the room, quickly disappearing under the aromatic cedarwood emanating from the ceramic diffuser on the windowsill and the waxy scent of furniture polish. “Very well. Best get on with sorting out this mess. Go and wake up Merlin for me. I don’t care how bad his head is. And you have my authority to requisition resources from available Hunter squads if you need them, but be parsimonious. The rest of the world doesn’t stop just because we’ve had a problem with pookles.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Come back, Fido!”

— Nigel



 

Ravenscraig, Scotland

A call for help from the police is never good. This one came from Scotland. Something terrible was taking place in the town of Ravenscraig. People had been turning up comatose, in a state unlike any coma the doctors have ever seen. The case report said seven so far, and medics could find no cause for it. None of the victims showed any sign of injury or disease. All appeared in perfect health but utterly unresponsive. Nothing identifiable connected the victims, although none was younger than the age of 40. Neither police nor medics could discern any pattern to gender, race, or other obvious categorisations. One victim was found on a park bench. One was lying next to a duck pond. One was discovered in a shopping trolley in a supermarket car park. The police searched CCTV after the last victim was found slumped next to a bus stop and saw what appeared to be some kind of animal leaving the victim there, before it disappeared into shadow.

 

An ape=like shape obscured by shadow near a bus stop at night

 

Keira, Ana, and Thomson were joined by the Rt. Hon. Nigel Fotherington Molesworth-Thomas III, who had seen what looked like the shadow of an animal he hadn’t yet bagged on some of the grainy CCTV footage. On arrival in Ravenscraig, the team went to the hospital to find out what they could from the existing patients. This involved Keira… distracting handsome Dr Ben Kidd in the supplies cupboard while the others checked charts. Ana sniffed some clothing and detected a strange chemical odour, a bit like death mixed in with the smell of magic plastic.

The team decided to try searching for the odour and used the locations of victims from the case file to decide on a search area. This led them to the park, where Ana had to contend with passers-by, Nigel’s comments of, “There’s a good doggy,” and having to get changed into wolf form in a bush. Not to mention the yapping little bichon that took an interest.

They lost the trail where it crossed the main road out of town, and went to the police station to have a look at their files and view the video.

Thomson, not being comfortable in the presence of authority, hung around outside, and met with Stu Collins, formerly of the police, but invalided out with PTSD after being bitten by a vampire. That was Thomson’s first mission, and Collin’s recognised them. After a detailed discussion on whether UFOs were more supernatural than vampires, Collins revealed that there had once been a tannery locally, owned by the Hartley family. They were pretty rich, he said, and kept themselves to themselves. Hartley House was out to the east side of town — in the direction the scent trail had led Ana, on the other side of the main road.

Inside, Keir was chatting up PC Amrit Khatri, who told her all about how the local crime boss, Big Tam, wouldn’t let any of his people try to rob Hartley House. Laughing, he explained that Big Tam thought it was haunted or something. Although Keira would have liked to chat to Big Tam, at the time he was serving at Her Majesty’s pleasure in Manchester, and wasn’t liable to be out for a few years.

Ana and Nigel spoke with DCI Mhari McLeod, who was in charge of the case. She gave them access to all the videos, including some CCTV footage that showed a suspicious shadow passing by the CCTV on the industrial estate on the eastern edge of town.

Reunited, the team headed out in that direction. At the gates to the Hartley estate, Keira pressed the buzzer. And kept pressing. It was eventually answered by a posh English accent that said they were not interested. Keira kept buzzing, but their ability to ignore an annoying noise outlasted her patience. Also, several large dogs came trotting over to the gate. Ana picked up the scent again, and it was clear there must be another entrance, as whoever left the trail wasn’t using the gate.

The dogs followed the team as they tracked the scent to a hole in the wall. Ana got a whiff of them, and realised that the dogs had the same chemical scent as the one they were trailing, although it wasn’t quite the same — whatever she could smell, the dogs were something else. While they were discussing how to get in, the dogs scrabbled their way through the hole in the wall, but they were reluctant to approach Ana, so wouldn’t come any closer.

Nigel phoned his batman, Jenkins, and ordered him to bring them some tranquiliser-laced sausages. These arrived only twenty minutes later, and Nigel and Keira tossed the doped meat to the dogs. Ana had to resist the temptation to eat one herself.

Once inside, the team entered the house through the French windows into a sitting room. It was old-fashioned, and chintzy, apart from the head mounted on the wall which, on closer examination, turned out to be a chimera of a deer and a bison with a human face. The face was warm, and the eyes moved. Shocked and horrified, the team levered the head off the wall, and it immediately oozed a stinking greenish ichor before dying.

Ana promptly rolled in it. Keira had to stop her.

When they opened the door into the main hallway, they were attacked by several large buck rabbits with antlers and wings. Ana let her wolf nature take over and quickly dispatched them, although she was then reluctant to leave her prey.

On the stairs, the team met Jeeves, a chimpanzee with the mannerisms, voice and dress of an aristocrat’s butler. They realised this was the animal shape they had seen in the CCTV videos, carrying the victims away. Above him, on a higher floor, they saw Cecil Hartley, the Hartley scion. Jeeves was not to be talked round, and before the team could go any further, they were attacked by several chimeras, including a lizard-headed man with the muscles of a blacksmith, a bear with a human face, several antelope with human faces, and a deer with a wolf’s teeth. Despite bringing heavy firepower in the form of Nigel, each team member was injured in the fighting, Keira seriously.

Once they had fought their way to the top floor, they found a taxidermy workshop where Hartley had clearly been making the chimeras. Hartley himself was just disappearing through a door at the far end. Jeeves tried to prevent them following, and the team killed him.

Two blue rings with eerie strands of light stretched between themThrough the door, they found stairs leading to an attic, where they found what appeared to be a dozen crow heads braided together on a fleshy stalk. The heads spoke in a language none of them could understand. Hartley was using a crystal lens to focus energy onto humself from a huge, shimmering orb. Without waiting to see anymore, Nigel shot the orb. Hartley withered before their eyes, and the orb began to give off a painful, high-pitched whine.

The team made a hasty exit, although Keira took the opportunity to grab the crow heads on her way out. When they reached the garden, the entire top floor of the house exploded in blue light that seemed to warp reality for a split second.

Next stop: the nearest place to give Ana a B A T H.

 

 

“Something given after death is still a gift.”

— Hyacinth



 

Professor Fantastic Has A Very Bad Day

Case file: Darren Black, stage name “Professor Fantastic”, is a street magician, illusionist and arch-debunker of those who claim to have supernatural powers. Famously ill-tempered, he delights in the misfortunes of his rivals, and loves to stick a metaphorical knife in when someone is already on the ground. He has a prize on offer to anyone who can demonstrate anything resembling magic abilities, but somehow nobody has ever won it. That means he’s cheating. According to the report, he recently investigated the most haunted church in England, the infamous Wormsley Parish Church. Now, the oddest, most inexplicable things are happening, and they are driving him mad. Probably couldn’t happen to a more deserving chap, but I suppose we should look into it.

 

Team:

Ana: a solitary member of one of the allied werewolf packs.

Hyacinth: powerful frost witch masquerading as a sweet old lady.

Robin: chronologically challenged Neanderthal

Keira Sayles: Bad girl, crook, mistress of sacrcasm.

 

After turning up at Black’s house, the team met Geoffrey Collins, Black’s PA. Black himself was not at home. Collins explained that, ever since the church, Black had been having problems. Wishes were coming true in the worst possible way. Pressed for more information, Collins tried to give examples: he’d wish for a parking space, and a truck would crash through the car park, shoving cars out of the way. He’d express the desire to have cheese after his evening meal, and a lorryload would be dumped on the drive in the middle of the night. He could no longer so much as think about getting a hair cut, for fear of what might happen, and have you ever tried NOT thinking about something? He was becoming paralyzed.

Both Keira and Hyacinth immediately recognised this as a curse and asked if they had stolen anything from the church. The answer was no. Did they talk to anyone? No. Was he sure? Yes. Well, other than the sweet little girl who appeared in the graveyard…

Black came home while they were discussing what the little girl had said, and he was furious. He tried to make the team leave, but when he opened his mouth to tell them to get out, no words would come. A chair slid through from an adjoining room and knocked his feet out from under him, so that he was sitting facing them all.

Keira tortured him a little by repeatedly demanding he tell them he did not want help. Either the curse prevented him from speaking, or he was paralyzed with fear of what might happen if he expressed even a negative desire.

The Hunters established from Collins that the little girl had told them there was a cursed painting in the church, and the cantrip associated with it. Black, of course, in his role of arch-debunker, had chosen to go into the church and recite the cantrip in front of the painting.

Belial once and Belial twice /  Where flames once were / You now find ice / Grant me a demon to do my will / Should I ask for good, it shall do ill.

After that, the team headed to the church. They found the painting, but it seemed to be stuck to the wall and there was no way to remove it. Outside in the churchyard, nosing around, they realised they were being watched by a fox with piercing blue eyes. Ana gave chase, and finally caught up with the fox in the woods. The fox transformed into a feisty redhead with a predatory grin and a strong line in flirting, to which Ana was entirely oblivious. She called herself Red.

A fox sitting in a cemetery

After some pressure from the team, which she seemed to enjoy hugely, Red explained that she was pissed off at Black because she’d tried to win the £1million prize, and he’d refused to acknowledge her power. She’s a god! How very dare he! All of this was her revenge. Said revenge wasn’t just getting him to activate the curse in the painting (which, by the way, she put there — it does not belong to the church), but also to set Black Agnes on him.

Black Agnes was a witch who was hanged in 1587. She escaped being burned only because she supplied fertility potions to the local Duchess, Eleanor of Lembury. She was accused of witchcraft by a local man who fell off a cart after he had been drinking and hurt his back, and could therefore no longer work. He accused her of cursing him, because she had been passing on her way to help deliver a baby. Eleanor and some of Agnes’s other clients arranged secretly for her to be buried in the cemetery. Her bones were dug up during some archaeological work and put on display in a local museum. Some years later, a local coven stole her skeleton and reburied it in a secret place within the church grounds. Red had taken the metal wire that had been used to articulate her skeleton and hidden it on Black. Now Agnes was on her way to hunt him down and get it back, because she considered it hers.

“Of course,” Hyacinth said. “Something given after death is still a gift.”

The team started tracking Black’s route back from the church, having got the details of where they had stopped from Collins. At the big Tesco on the outskirts of Eastbourne, where they had stopped for Collins to buy a cheese and onion pasty, they were met by DC Mark Rintoul and DCI Jane Reid. DCI Reid worked with Unit 13 on the Wendigo case in Scotland, and was more than happy to offer their co-operation. They were there because one of the security guards had attacked a colleague before walking out of the store. He seemed to be in some kind of fugue state or mental crisis, like several other people they had picked up that day already, and was currently still walking about 6 miles away while they waited for mental health support to come in and pick him up.

Keira said they would take care of it, then they drove as fast as they could to find the security guard. He was, as described, walking along the road, followed by a police escort.

Keira waved the police away and Hyacinth established that the guard had been possessed by Black Agnes. They persuaded her to get into their car on the basis that they could get Agnes to where she was going faster.

The drove where Agnes directed. Her host sat in the back and pointed with one arm straight out, occasionally demanding that they stop. Whenever they stopped, she would take her current host and find  new one — all people with whom Black had interacted.

Back at Black’s house, the team rescued Black’s driver from the shades Agnes summoned, then searched everywhere for the pieces of metal, but couldn’t find them. They called Collins and found out that Black was visiting his creative consultant — the man who designed his magic tricks for him.

Arriving at the warehouse containing the magical workshop, Keira shoved her way inside and yelled, “Oi! Dickhead! Bits of metal!”

Black had no idea what they were talking about. After a few minutes of arguing, Black’s booking agent, Cassie Foyle, revealed herself to be none other than Red the Fox. She said she might have hidden the articulation wire in Black’s jacket lining. With that information, they quickly found the wire.

Agnes still needed to go back to her resting place but needed a host to do it. Red eventually agreed to help, and turned up with a singularly intelligent looking cat. As for breaking the curse… All Black had to do was apologise and pay up, and then she would sort that out. As far as the team was concerned, this was between Black and Red, and so they left Black to stew in his own misogynistic, entitled bullshit.

Back at Wormsley, the cat led them to Agnes’s grave. The team buried the articulation wire, reuniting it with its owner, and so bringing to an end the haunting of Wormsley Church. They took the cat inside the church and had the bright idea of asking him how to get the painting off the wall. The cat extending one claw, inserted it into a very narrow slot on the side of the painting, at which point there was a click and the painting came free.

The team returned to base with the painting, with the exception of Hyacinth, who took the cat — now called Marcus Oliver Graves — home.

 

 

“Nothing good can ever come of lake monsters.”

— Hyacinth



 

Take Me Back To The River

Meet Unit 11. It’s an odd unit, for a Hunter squad. They’ve been on plenty of hunts, but this isn’t a fixed team. Their members are gleaned from other units, brought together for specific tasks. It means they don’t always work together, but, when they do, their collective skillset is tailor-made for the task at hand.

They’ve just been on a mission to Canada, to hunt a wendigo. They failed, allowing the wendigo and its enthusiastic host to escape across the Atlantic where, even now, another Hunter team is engaged trying to accomplish what they were unable to.

Two of their members are already on their way back to their regular units, recalled to new missions, leaving the other three brought in for this hunt to wend their weary way back to a Covenant base for debriefing before redeployment.

Cora Strayer is a Private Investigator by trade and works freelance taking photographs of cheating husbands and insurance fraudsters when she’s not deployed by the Covenant. She has pounded her fair share of streets, hung around more than her fair share of bars, and knows more than most about the weirder nooks and crannies of the internet.

Ananke, known as Ana, just Ana, is 90kg and two metres plus of solid muscle, with long, salt and pepper hair that reflects the colour of the fur she wears in her alternate form. Intense, amber eyes give an indication of her true nature. That and the noncommittal grunts comprising her normal form of communication.

Hyacinth is older than she looks, which is a sprightly 75 going on 90. Her long white hair and kind smile belie her advanced magical powers. Hyacinth is a frost witch.

They have been on the road for more than 24 hours already, travelling down from a tiny settlement called Strong Rock in the Northern Territories, and are now on the edge of the Okanaogan-Wanatchee National Forest, about 2 hours from Seattle, sitting in a tiny diner in a tiny town called Hollow Lake that serves as a dormitory for the rich. Those who don’t live in the vast McMansions nestled in the trees make a living from tourists; there is good fishing in these parts, and acres of wilderness in which the unwary can get lost.

Hyacinth sips her tea as Cora mainlines coffee and Ana shovels her third helping of cherry pie into her mouth. None of them pays much attention to the diner, being tired and weary and disheartened by their recent failure. If they had, they would have seen the walls covered in photographs of anglers with fish, mostly catfish and largemouth bass, a few crappies and the odd bluegill. A Bigmouth Billy Bass hangs on the wall. Underneath it is a collection of sticky notes begging, pleading and otherwise demanding the replacement of the batteries. The diner sells I BILLY BASS t-shirts, although the number of notes suggests otherwise.

One of the town’s old-timers, a sturdy man in his late 60s wearing rumpled jeans and a checked shirt, is talking to the diner’s owner, currently the only one working there.

“My cousin Jed’s the coroner,” he says. “Never seen anythin’ like what happened to old Sam. His organs were plumb gone, Sandra, and not by any means he’s ever seen before.”

“I don’t believe it was a boating accident, Stu,” Sandra replies as she polishes a glass. “Old Sam knew what he was about. No way he’d have drowned fishing. He’s been fishing the waters round these parts for more than forty years.”

“Ayuh. They may be sayin’ he drowned so as not to scare the tourists. Some old guy forgets what he’s doin’, maybe goin’ a bit doolally in his old age, nothin’ to see here.”

Hyacinth stirs her tea. “That sounds like our kind of thing,” she says.

“It does,” Cora agrees.

“We shouldn’t get involved, though right?” She stares into her cup for a moment, as if scrying for a message from her future self. “I mean, we shouldn’t.”

She looks up at Ana. Ana shrugs.

“Might be nice to take a break from driving,” Cora says.

“Oh, who are we trying to kid? Of course we’re going to get involved.” She stands up, and her slender frame bends from veteran yoga teacher into frail old woman. She totters over to the counter, and says, “Excuse me dearie, did I hear you say that someone had died?”

The old guy turns to her while Sandra frowns. “Didja know ‘im?”

“Oh no, dearie. I’m just a little old lady who likes to hear the gossip. It keeps my mind active in my old age,” Hyacinth says, smiling sweetly.

At their table, Ana and Cora, who know Hyacinth’s capabilities, struggle not to choke at this harmless old granny act.

“Are you from the old country?” Stu asks.

“Why, that’s right dearie.”

“Say, my grandmother came from there. Maybe you know my great aunt. She was from Ed-in-borrow.” His forehead crinkles as he works his lips around the syllables.

“Oh really? What’s her name?”

“Shee-laaargh,” he says.

“Right enough, I do know a Sheila in Edinburgh,” Hyacinth says. “Small world, isn’t it?”

“It sure is!” Stu says, slapping his thigh, delighted. “Well, my cousin Jed is the coroner, and they might be saying it’s a boating accident, but I tell you, ma’am, Old Sam Voss knew that lake like he knew the back of his own hand, and he’s been fishing these parts for longer than Sandra here has been alive. He knew Mikleson’s Pond better’n anyone. There’s no way that was a boating accident.”

“No way,” Sandra agrees, leaning on the counter. She points to one of the photos on the wall. It shows a man in his 70s holding a catfish as big as he is. “That was just last year,” she says. “Brought that in all by his lonesome. He knew the water, and he knew his boat.”

“What a terrrrrible thing,” Hyacinth says, laying on the accent like it’s cement.

“Yes ma’am.”

“Does your cousin work here? It seems an awfy wee place to have a coroner.”

“No ma’am. They do the autopsies at St Lucille’s hospital, back at Monroe. That’s about 2 hours from here. He has an office at the police station, but he only does coronoring a coupla days a week. He also works part time at the vet and helps out at Tom’s Hardware of a weekend. It wasn’t his day to work yesterday. He only did it for Old Sam’s sake.”

“He sounds like a very busy man.”

“Yes ma’am. He’s at the heart of our community. I don’t know what we’d do without him.”

“Thank you for indulging an old woman,” she tells him, patting his arm.

She turns to head back to her table and feels his hand slip something inside her pocket. “There’s line dancing at the big barn tonight,” he says hopefully.

“I don’t think we’ll be here that long, dear,” she says with a twinkle.

When she gets back to the table, she fishes in her pocket and finds a scrap of an order ticket with a telephone number written on it in spidery pencil.

“I was about to come and see if you needed rescuing,” Ana says.

“Och, he was fine,” Hyacinth replies.

“I suppose we need to go and find this coroner,” Cora says. “Maybe look at the body.”

“Might as well. Seems like a good place to start.”

“Let’s try at the police station then. He might be writing up reports, still.”

They finish their lunch and head out onto the street. Across the road is Gustav’s, which looks like a bar, and about 250m away they can see the police station sign outside a low, brown brick building with a flat roof.

When they enter the police station, a Deputy eyes them from behind the counter. Behind her is another uniformed officer, who is wearing a headset and sitting at a dispatch desk.

“Hello folks. Can I help you?”

“Possibly. We’re looking for the coroner. Jed, I think his name is,” Cora says.

“OK. And why would you be looking for the coroner, ma’am?”

“Well, we heard about the death and we think we might have seen something like it before,” Cora says.

Behind her, Ana and Hyacinth exchange a seriously? glance. They haven’t seen anything like this before — they haven’t even seen what this is in order to compare it — and the deputy here might not know this was anything other than a boating accident.

“What have you seen before?”

“The thing with the organs.”

“Ma’am, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Are you a journalist or something? Because we don’t take kindly to those sorts of folk around here.”

Cora grits her teeth and approaches the counter. “Look. I’m a PI.” She holds up her ID. “I’ve been employed by a member of Mr. Voss’s family because they have reason to believe he was being blackmailed, and they think this might be murder. I just want to talk to the coroner so we can allay their suspicions.”

“Maybe should’ve led with that, Cora,” Ana mutters.

The Deputy brightens. “He was quite well off, you know, and it would not surprise me to hear he had a few skeletons in his closet. He’s not working today, so he’ll either be at the veterinarians over on Poplar Drive, or at Tom’s Hardware. He only works there at weekends, but they sell soda and tackle, so he hangs around there to swap fishing stories.”

“Thanks. Do you have a phone number, maybe?”

“I can give you the number of the hardware store. Jed doesn’t carry a cellphone.” She writes a number on a notepad and tears off the top sheet. “Here you go. You take care, folks.”

“Shall we give the store a ring?” Cora asks. “See if he’s there?”

Ana shrugs.

Before Cora can pull her phone from her pocket, the radio crackles and a voice spits, “We got another one. Over at Mikleson’s Pond again.”

The three hunters exchange a look.

“To the pond?” Cora asks.

“To the pond,” Hyacinth agrees.

When the team arrives at the Mikleson’s Pond — the tourist map on the board outside the hardware proved useful — there are two older men standing on the wooden jetty starring out at the water. The “pond” is a lake, perhaps a kilometre or more in length, and about 300m across at its widest. It is cold, deep and murky. Around 100m offshore, a white object bobs at the surface.

“Did you call the police?” Cora asks.

“Yeah,” one of them says. The body in the water rolls over, driven by the wind, or some unseen current, or internal settling. One arm flops into the water with a splash. The body is naked from the waist down, and the area of his rear seems… Disfigured somehow.

“Do you know who that is?” Cora asks.

“Could be Mac,” the other one says. “There’s a committee that takes samples of the lake water. Miklesons pay for it, after Pete was accused of dumping some shit in there. Would be about the right time of day for him, and that looks like his boat over there. He sometimes takes the time for a spot of fishing once he’s got his water.” He points with his scrunched-up cap to where a small wooden skiff noses gently against the reeds by an ornate Shinto shrine. “Can’t rightly say for sure. These eyes ain’t what they used to be.”

“Looks like Mac’s butt,” his friend says.

“I ain’t never seen Mac’s butt look like that.”

“Looks like an elephant gone and stuck its trunk way up in there.”

“Yep.”

“Yep.”

Ana skulks off to have a sniff around. There is an oily, fishy odour hanging over the water, but there’s no way that Mac — if Mac it is — was killed elsewhere and dumped. At least, not here. When he got into his boat, he was alive. The rest of this side of the lake is made up of dense woods. This landing stage and the adjacent slipway is the only decent access. Across the other side, the Mikleson’s property is manicured grass, although if the boat has drifted that way, it seems unlikely the body would drift back in this direction.

Cora is asking about Mac’s boat’s name when Ana returns, shaking her head to indicate she didn’t find anything.

“Named it after his ex-wife, so he did,” one of the men says. “Judith.”

Police sirens break the eerie silence, faint but drawing closer fast.

“Let’s go,” Hyacinth says.

They pile back into the car and head back out onto the road. As they leave the track that leads down to the slip, they pass the Sherriff on his way down. He stares at them from behind mirrored aviators and says something into his radio.

They park outside the Mikleson’s gate, which is currently standing open. There is no sign of anyone on the property. There are lights on in the big house, but no cars on the drive, although with the triple garage there wouldn’t need to be. As they walk towards the boat boffing gently against the reeds, Ana flings her arm across her nose, amber eyes wild. “That stinks!” she growls. “And I’m not even using my wolf nose.”

The stench is all over the small boat, but there are no other traces within the boat itself. No blood or… other effluvium. A few bottles, both full and empty, roll around in shallow V of the keel.

They look around by the shrine. There aren’t any footprints, no sign of a scuffle. Nothing to indicate that the victim entered the water here, alive or dead. The shrine itself is a Suitengū. It looks well-cared for but has a sad air about it.

“Looks to me like something came up out of the water, grabbed him, then dragged him in,” Cora says.

“It’s a lake monster,” Hyacinth sighs. “Nothing good can ever come of lake monsters.”

They look across to the other side of the pond, where the Sherriff is on his radio, the blue lights of his car strobing behind him luridly.

Suddenly, a youth appears from behind the shrine. He’s perhaps 18 years of age, is at least part Japanese, and is completely startled to see them.

“You’re trespassing! ” he shouts.

“Oh, I’m sorry dearie. We got a bit lost,” Hyacinth says.

“This is private property. There’s a massive gate. I don’t see how you could accidentally trespass.”

“We’re from Scotland, and we have right to roam there,” Cora says. “We’re investigating the death.”

“Whuh… What death?”

“That man over there.” Cora points at the body still floating in the water like a miniature Moby Dick. “And the one yesterday.”

The boy turns white as a sheet and stumbles backwards several steps. “Oh no,” he whispers. “Oh no!”

And he turns and flees back to the house.

“Huh. That’s weird,” Cora says. “Maybe he’s got something to hide.”

“He’s just a kid!” Ana tells her. “You told him there was a dead body in his back garden.”

“Still. At that age he should think it’s cool and interesting, not terrifying.”

“You think we should go and talk to him?” Hyacinth asks.

“Nah. They’re retrieving the body over there. The coroner will be there. We should go and talk to him.”

They begin to head back to the car, but then Hyacinth stops. There is something about the shrine, some invisible energy catching her attention. There is a presence, and it might even be the shrine itself. It feels to her as if this shrine has been well loved, cared for and honoured, but not recently.

“Hang on. Before we go, I just want to take another look at this shrine.”

She walks up to it and kneels where someone paying their respects might kneel. Opening up her psychic shields, she invites whatever wanted her attention to give her a message. She sees a vision of an older Japanese woman bringing cucumbers to the shrine and laying them out as an offering.

“Cucumbers?” she says to herself. She looks up towards the house. If this was an active shrine, it’s possible there is another in the house. Maybe she can make better contact there.

“Change of plan,” she says. “We’re going to the house.”

Cora digs her heels in. “No, we should go and talk to the coroner.”

“And ask him what? His professional opinion on what does that to someone’s rear end and lives in lakes?”

Cora scowls. “We should talk to him. See if he can tells us more about the body than we already know.”

“You do that if you want,” Hyacinth replies. “I’m going to the house.”

“So we split up? Is that wise?”

Ana rolls her eyes and heads towards the house.

“Well fine,” Cora snaps. “I guess we’ll split up, then.” She strides away, back down the drive, as Hyacinth follows Ana.

At the house, the front door is open. Inside is a vast, open entrance hall with a grand staircase directly ahead. To the right of the staircase, a passageway leads towards the back of the house and ends in a dimly lit area. Hyacinth can see what appears to be the hoped-for family shrine at the end. To the right is an open set of double doors leading into a huge study/lounge, and to the left a series of doors, only one of which is open. That one leads to a dining room. The walls are covered in Balinese masks, there is antique Chinese porcelain on a display stand, and, in the study, they can see a full suit of Japanese Gusoku armour standing watch. Ana’s werewolf ears can hear a faint thud of drums and hissing treble indicating someone upstairs is listening to music. She indicates there is someone up there with a slight nod of her head.

Hyacinth wanders down the corridor to look at the kamidana, Ana prowling silently behind her. At first, it seems like an ordinary family shrine, and this one is in regular use; there are small bowls of rice and fruit, and a porcelain mizutama for water. As she draws near, she is overcome by a sense of loss, betrayal, hurt, homesickness, and hunger that whirls around her in a vortex that seems to be sucking her back to the lake. Shaken, she stumbles into Ana in her hurry to get away.

“That’s no good. I can’t seem to reach the old lady here. We’re going to have to talk to the kid.”

They head back to the foyer.

“Coo-eee!” Hyacinth calls[1]. “Hello-ooooo! Are you there? You seemed very upset and we just wanted to make sure you were all right!”

After a few moments, they hear footsteps on carpet, and the young man leans over the banister to look at them.

“I called my parents,” he says. He has been crying. “They’re on their way.”

“That’s good,” Hyacinth tells him. “You seem to have got a terrible fright. I’m Hyacinth, and this is Ana. What’s your name?”

“Takahiro.”

“Is that your shrine, down by the lake, Takahiro? Is that why you were there?”

“No, it was my grandmother’s, really. I mean, my mom had my dad build it for her when she came over here from Japan. My mom practises Shinto, but she uses the one in the house, mostly, especially after Baba died.”

“Did she die recently?”

“Yes. Just last week.” He begins to come down the stairs, one step at a time, dragging his feet. “I like to go down there because I feel like she’s still there, even though it’s by the lake.”

“I’m so sorry for your loss,” Hyacinth says kindly. “Were you close to your grandmother?”

“Yes. I used to go to Japan with her in the summer, and she would show me all the places where she lived and worked and tell me stories about Japanese folkore, about the yōkai. She always told me I should stay away from the water, even though the shrine was there.”

“Why did she tell you that?”

“Because monsters live in the water, she said.”

Hyacinth and Ana exchange a quick glance.

“Is that why you ran away? Because you were scared of the monsters?”

Takahiro nods. He doesn’t look like a university student any more. His demeanour is that of a scared little boy.

“What kind of monsters would live in the water?”

“She said there could be kappa in the water. Wait. Is that what killed those people? Is there a kappa in the lake?”

“Well, we don’t know,” Hyacinth replies. “Maybe.”

Ana is already texting the Covenant to ask for any information on kappa.

“You should go,” Takahiro says. “My parents will be here soon, and if they find you, they will call the police.”

Ana leans close to Hyacinth. “He has a point.”

“That’s very good advice. Thank you,” Hyacinth says.

Takahiro runs back up the stairs, and the two Hunters make a rapid exit.

Meanwhile, Cora has taken the car and driven back to the other side of the lake. When she arrives, the Sherriff has already arranged for a RIB, and a rescue team are out on the lake trying to recover the body. It’s a grim sight. She parks on the track, as there isn’t any room by the slipway, and spots the coroner when she gets out. He’s already suited up in white coveralls, and is waiting for the body to be brought ashore.

“Hi!” she says, holding out her hand for a handshake.

The coroner looks at her hand and then looks at his own, gloved hands. “I’m about to look at a crime scene,” he says.

“Right. Sorry. I should have thought.”

“Can I help you?”

“Well, we heard about the deaths, and we have seen something like this before so we thought we might be able to help if we could just see—”

“Do you know the victim? Are you a journalist?” He scowls at her. “I heard someone had been asking questions. Dan! I think you need to talk to this woman.”

The Sherriff looks round and spots Cora. He says something to one of the other officers then walks over.

“Can we help you, ma’am?” he asks, popping the cover off his holster.

“Right, well, as I was saying to… Jed, isn’t it? Jed here, we’ve seen this kind of thing before—”

“You’ve seen boating accidents before?”

“No, I mean weird deaths. We’ve seen weird deaths—”

“Who is we?”

“My colleagues and I.”

“And where are they?”

“They’re over there, investigating the boat.” Cora waves to the other side of the lake.

“You mean contaminating my crime scene?”

“No, why would they—”

“I think I’ve heard enough. I think it’s time you accompanied me back to the station and we find out exactly who you are and what you think you are doing.”

“On what charge?” Cora demands, furious.

“On any damn charge I feel like! We’ll start with obstructing an investigation, contaminating a crime scene—”

“You can’t arrest me for looking around.”

“Do you have a press pass?”

“No. I don’t need one.”

“This is America, ma’am. If you’re snooping around a crime scene, you definitely do.” He takes out his handcuffs. “I’ll thank you to accompany me back to the station. That’s not a request.”

At the police station, he hands Cora over to his Deputy. “Here, Lillian. Stick her in a room, check out her ID. Keeper her here until you hear from me. I’ve got to get back to the pond.”

Deputy Carlson takes Cora back to an interview room. “ID, please.” Cora hands over her PI licence. “Anything else in your pockets you want to tell me about?”

“No,” Cora says.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. I left my gun in the car.”

Deputy Carlson decides to treat this as misplaced sarcasm and locks Cora in the interview room.

A phone screen. Cora says "Shit guys, I only gone and got myself arrested." Ana replies, "You did what? Idiot"

Because every mission carries the risk of injury, death, or temporal, spatial or dimensional displacement, every hunter carries their own set of car keys for assigned vehicles. As Ana unlocks the car, the Sherriff approaches.

“Ladies. Is this your car?”

“Yes, that’s right,” Hyacinth replies.

“Do you have a friend with you? About yay high, feisty, been snooping around talking about missing organs?”

“Oh yes! Thank goodness you found her!” Hyacinth replies, giving him the full ham and cheese. “She is obsessed with true crime shows and fancies herself something of an investigator. Completely harmless, really, but she will go off and get herself into trouble.”

“I see. A fantasist. We used to get plenty of those in the city, not really used to them out here. I took her to the station and had Deputy Carlson hold her in an interview room, more to stop her getting herself into any more trouble than she was in already. I’ll radio ahead and say you’re going to pick her up. You’re not staying, are you?”

“Oh no. We were just stretching our legs. Taking a break in a really long drive.”

“Okay, great. I mean, normally I’d love for you folks to stay and enjoy our hospitality, but…”

“Quite right. We’ll just get out of your hair.”

He rubs his thinning blonde pate. “She isn’t supposed to be on any medication or anything?”

“No, nothing like that. She’s just a handful!”

“Great. Okay. Well, take care.”

On the way over to the police station, a document arrives from the Covenant archives.

 

A kappa (河童, river-child), is an amphibious yōkai demon whose native habitat is the inland waterways of Japan. They are typically green, resembling an unfortunate coupling between a turtle and a human (and there are rumours that suggest this is the original source, but these are little more than idle speculation in the absence of further evidence), with webbed hands and feet and a carapace on their backs. A depression on their heads, the sara, retains water. If this is damaged, or the water is lost, the kappa is severely weakened. Some kappa don a small metal cap to protect against such mishap.

Kappa can swim as fast as any fish, unlike their Chelonic counterparts, and emit a faintly fishy smell. Some accounts state that their arms are connected to each other through their torso, and can slide from one side to the other, presumably to lengthen the reach on the favoured side. They enjoy cucumbers and love to engage in sumo wrestling. Their actions range from the comparatively minor, such as looking up women’s kimonos, to the kind of malevolent activity that bring them to the attention of the Covenant’s Hunter Division: drowning people and animals, kidnapping children, sexual assault and the age-old favourite of consuming human flesh.

Once a kappa has turned maneater, it is said they assault humans in water and remove an organ referred to as the shirikodama from  their victim’s anus.

The document goes on at some length, and includes some rather graphic images, which Hyacinth shows Ana once they have parked outside the police station.

“So that’s why she had cucumbers!” Hyacinth exclaims. “Right. I know what we have to do. We need to grab Cora, then we need to go to the shop and buy some cucumbers and aubergines.”

“Eggplant,” Ana grunts.

Cora almost snatches her ID from Deputy Carlson when she is released from the interview room.

“Thank you ma’ams,” Carlson says to the other two. “You have a nice day, now.”

“I saw the email,” Cora says. “I had a nice time reading it while I was stuck in that stupid room. So the kid came up with the goods, did he?”

“We need to decide whether to kill it  or just make it promise to behave itself,” Hyacinth says. “If the family could be persuaded to start feeding it cucumbers again, then it should be all right. Maybe we can persuade the lad to talk to his granny’s ghost and get her to tell him how to do it.”

“People can’t be trusted,” Cora says. “They’re unreliable. And stupid. They’ll forget, and then more people will die. We’re better just killing it.”

Ana offers a noncommittal grunt.

“Well. Let’s see what happens when we get there. It might not even be a kappa,” Hyacinth says.

They stop in the grocer’s and buy half a dozen cucumbers and a couple of aubergines.

“Funny. We haven’t had anyone buy that many cucumbers since old Mrs Tanigawa passed away,” the shopkeeper says. “Can I get you folks anything else?”

“Just some chocolate,” Hyacinth tells him. “I fancy something sweet.”

The gates are still open when they get back to the Miklesons’ property. This time they drive straight in. No point wasting time. There are two cars on the drive outside the house, and the front door is open. Ana sniffs the air through the open window. She wasn’t sure before, nostrils full of kappa stench as they were, but she is now. There are stables here, probably around the back of the house.

At the shrine, they find part of a cucumber. The oily, fishy scent is stronger than ever.

“Do you think Takahiro was trying to feed it?”

“I have a horrible feeling it’s worse than that,” Ana says, sniffing. At that moment they hear a woman start screaming Takahiro’s name.

“Oh dear. I think that settles the question of what to do,” Hyacinth says, seeing a trainer floating on the lake surface.

They lay the cucumbers down at the shrine and take a couple of steps back. Within moments, the water swirls in the lake and a green, scaly creature with a shell on its back emerges from the water. It looks like a Galapagos giant tortoise grew human sized arms and legs, with humanoid hands and feet, and went to live in a muddy puddle. Ana bows to the creature, and it bows back, but there’s a problem.

This kappa is wearing a metal cap.

It waddles over to the cucumbers and wolfs them down, the beak snapping great chunks off them.

Cora pulls her gun. “I’m going to shoot that damn cap off its head!” she exclaims.

“And then what?” Hyacinth asks. “It’s not likely to bow to you if you’ve shot it.”

The kappa has finished the cucumbers and is eyeing up Hyacinth. She looks like she won’t put up much of a fight.

Hyacinth takes out her ritual knife, preparing to use her ice magic. Ana yelps and retreats from the silver. Cora bows to it, to distract it. It bows back, but is back onto Hyacinth almost immediately.

“Fiddlesticks,” Hyacinth says, fumbling to put her knife away. She does the best she can without it, but the kappa has already grabbed her ankle and started dragging her towards the lake, and it throws her gesture awry.

“Give me your knife!” Cora yells, and Hyacinth tosses her the blade. The PI rushes in and tries to pry the metal cap off. The kappa hisses, a guttural sound that comes with the stench of old meat on the creature’s breath. It releases Hyacinth and slides back into the lake.

“I guess I’ll be wrestling, then,” Ana says. “Just keep that damn knife away.”

As Cora tosses the knife to a safe distance, Ana takes up a Sumo stance and slaps her thighs. The kappa does likewise. A second later, they hurl themselves at each other. It wraps itself around her legs and torso and launches backwards into the lake, taking her with it.

She is surrounded by swirling, noisy water. It floods her ears, her nostrils. It blinds her. She can’t breathe. She tries to get her fingertips under the metal cap, but she keeps her nails short in human form, and can’t get any purchase. 

On the lakeside, Hyacinth makes a complicated gesture and speaks some words in an inhuman tongue. A wall of ice springs up at the lakeside, trapping the kappa and Ana in a small cofferdam barely big enough to hold them.

Ana feels the cold and gets her feet under her. She drives upwards, heaving both herself and the kappa back onto the grass. “Stables!” she pants. “Behind the house!” Then, snarling, she shudders. Fur ripples across her body, and her limbs contort.

Ana makes for a very large wolf.

Hyacinth hurries to the lake edge and freezes the entire surface, turning it into an ice rink. Ana twists round and snaps her jaws shut around the kappa’s leg. It retaliates, biting into her left hindquarters with its sharp, horny beak. Hyacinth tries blasting it. The spell bounces off its shell, but distracts it enough for Ana to break free from its grip. She starts dragging it towards the stables with her three good legs.

Hyacinth lays an ice track, and Ana pulls the kappa along as easily as if it were a hockey puck.

Cora comes running from the stables, a horseshoe in each hand. Mrs. Tanigawa had been foresighted enough to make sure there were proper iron ones, and now Cora attacks the kappa, hitting it around the head with one of the horsehoes.

It extends its very long neck and rips into the soft underside of her arm with its beak. Immediately, she hits it with the other horseshoe, and it bites her on that arm, as well. She drops to the ground, bleeding horrifically from torn arteries.

Ana lets go of the kappa, and Hyacinth pours all her magical power into an intense icy blast that she directs at the kappa’s head. The metal cap freezes, and then the water in its sara freezes, expanding and popping the cap off. A solid block of ice falls onto the grass.

As Hyacinth rushes to give Cora first aid, Ana grabs the kappa by the head in her immense jaws. She whips it from side to side, ragdolling it like a dog with a rabbit-flavoured toy, smashing it against the ice and the horseshoes and anything else hard she can find.

It doesn’t last long.

Hyacinth’s healing spell gutters like a candle that has run out of wick and fails. She uses her socks to bind the wounds. Cora is going to need medical attention, but she’s as tough as old boots and that will hold her until they can get help from a Covenant medical team.

In the distance, they can hear police sirens.

“Come on,” says Hyacinth. “Let’s get out of here. I don’t fancy trying to explain this.”

Ana picks up a piece of the carapace in her teeth, shakes herself, then limps back to the car, still in wolf form.

Hyacinth realises Ana has been rolling in kappa stink.

“Thanks a lot for that, you skanky beast,” she says, helping Cora to the car.

They’re going to have to drive the rest of the way with the windows down, she can tell.

 

[1] The universal signal for I am a sweet old lady who means you no harm